LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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