Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
