im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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