dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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