My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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