she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
