Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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