I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
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