I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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