he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
