My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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