The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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