I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
