What a fucking waste of an outfit
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
