Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
