If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
