Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
