mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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