You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
