im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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