no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
