everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
