I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
