just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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