Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She said her name was "party"
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
