I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Randomize
