Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
