Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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