just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
