ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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