I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
