I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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