Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
bring money and cleavage
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
