I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
