Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
