I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
