i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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