I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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