No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
So squirting runs in the family.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
