I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
