it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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