He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Sorry my hands just texted you
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
