we have pet lesbian snakes
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
