I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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