I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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