did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
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