Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
