Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
