i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
