it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
