I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
