If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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