You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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