I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
