walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
